


The Anti-Sun Campaign

by GuesssWho



Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Cecil Is (Presumably) Inhuman, Episode Style, Kevin is Inhuman, M/M, Post-Strex, Post-Strex Kevin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-17
Updated: 2015-05-17
Packaged: 2018-03-31 01:46:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3959791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GuesssWho/pseuds/GuesssWho
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A short fic about Kevin trying to cope, post-Strex</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Anti-Sun Campaign

**Author's Note:**

> For JustARandomKid on DeviantArt

Fear the sun. Hate the sun. Also fear and hate the bottoms of your feet. Welcome to Night Vale.

It's another sunny afternoon in Night Vale, and frankly I'm sick of it. I'm not alone, either; the Night Vale Anti-Light Campaign is holding a protest outside City Hall. Again. It's unlikely to work, I'm afraid, since City Council usually removes the voices of protesters--but good for them for trying!

Oh dear. This just in: Kevin--you know, my recently-deprogrammed alternate from Desert Bluffs?--is having a bad day again. If you see a black-eyed screaming lunatic with a knife, please bring him out of the sun and maybe get him some frozen yogurt. That usually calms him down.

A Muzak singularity has formed inside one of the elevators at the Night Vale Mall, dear listeners. Apparently it reached critical mass when the elevator started playing a Muzak version of "Look What They've Done To My Song." It is recommended that shoppers stay at least ten feet away from the elevator by the food court, lest they become sappy, irritating and badly-played versions of themselves.

The tools in the Night Vale High School's shop class have been possessed by evil spirits again, dear listeners. As has happened every other Thursday since the beginning of this March, the shop tools screamed, bled and attempted to escape through the classroom windows. Luckily, only three people were killed so far, and none of them were killed by the tools.

They were killed by Kevin, who is not having a good day _at all_. Currently he's scratching at his eyes again, as he does whenever the stitches over his third eye start inexplicably sewing themselves back into place. StrexCorp really _was_ a nasty thing, wasn't it? Aaanyway, Kevin's flailing around with those rather nasty bladed limbs of his, so everyone should keep well back if you see him. Just until he feels better, okay?

Cars. Cars. Cars. Cars. Cars. Cars. Cars. Cars. Wow, the word 'cars' no longer sounds like a word at all! Does it? Caaaaars. This has been traffic.

Someone has been making demon-summoning circles in Mission Grove Park. I would like to remind whoever is doing this that demon-summoning is very dangerous, and should not be attempted by amateurs! Especially _that_ demon. That is a very nasty demon your runes are referencing, and you will be held entirely responsible for anything it does!

[And now the weather.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1lyu1KKwC74)

Carlos brought flowers, listeners! They're mostly cobra lilies, but he says all their venom has been removed, so that's alright. Isn't Carlos just the best ever? Aww, so sweet . . . _Hsssss sssssah ssshissssh_ Cobra lilies are just so neat, listeners! _Hssss hsssss sssshahhh_

Another update on Kevin. He is now huddled in misery at a table in Big Rico's Pizza, muttering about flour, livers and productivity. His limbs are wrapped around him and he appears to be crying blood. I feel sorry for him, listeners. But not _too_ sorry for him, because he's eating a pizza with fingers on it and that really disturbs me. Does Big Rico's even _sell_ those?

Carlos says that the strange goo in all our clocks becomes sapient if enough of it is combined. He says that it seems to like Alfred Lord Tennyson and Oscar Wilde. Well who doesn't like Oscar Wilde, right? I said as much to Carlos, and he laughed. He has the best laugh!

Small purple fuzzballs have been migrating through town today, as they always do on the 17th Thursday of February. They are small, cute, and have bright yellow beaks. Consider trapping a few to make yourself a pet!

Kevin has finally calmed down and is making his way towards the station. His smile has returned, but not as widely as it was before. He is rubbing at his eyes and his limbs. He looks tired. I bet he could use a hug, if anyone is brave enough to attempt one. It's a shame I can't hug him without having to get close to him or at least touch him--wouldn't it be lovely if we could give hugs just by thinking about it?

Well, I can't give anyone telekinetic hugs. But I hope my voice has made you all feel better. Stay tuned for Kevin complaining about his day, and goodnight, Night Vale. Goodnight.

 

Proverb: If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, set them on fire.

If fire is not available, you should try to remove the head or destroy the brain. DO NOT LET THEM BITE Y--

**Author's Note:**

> Proverb is based on a George Carlin quote, with added zombies.
> 
> And can you spot the pun? It's bilingual!


End file.
